Aberdeen, NJ-Bret Flag a 31-year-old CVS cashier from Northern New Jersey is one excited man, and for a good reason, his girlfriend is pregnant with the couple’s first child. Flag has always wanted children and cannot wait till the baby is born early next year. When asked if he wanted a boy or a girl, Flag gave the proverbial answer of “As long as it’s healthy it doesn’t matter.” That may be the answer that Flag thought people wanted to hear, but in reality the 31-year-old hopes are a little different. “I have to admit I want a boy, you know, to carry out my legacy.” And what legacy does Mr. Flag speak of? A legacy of complete mediocrity. Flag has always been an uninspiring character, ever since his days in elementary school. One such incident came during 5th grade when Flag had the chance win the school attendance award but blew it that last day of school when he decided to go to his fathers job on “Bring Your Kid to Work Day”, ironically his father worked as a principal of another elementary school. Flag would then go on to have an unremarkable middle and high school career which led to him dropping out due to “Boredom.” Flag did not bother to get his GED because his brother-in-law manages a CVS and knew he could “hook up” his wife’s little brother with a cashier position working close to 40 hours a week. According to Flag, that’s the legacy he wants his son carry on. “Yeah, I would love a Bret Jr, not only to pass down the family name, but my personal legacy as well. I have gone out my way to do everything ass backwards and somehow I still eat. It’s crazy right? I know it’s going to be tough for my future son to live up to my accomplishments, but I know he will be up for the challenge.” Flag would later go on to say that it would be impossible to pass his legacy down to his daughter if he should ever have one, saying it would be a total disappointment to have a girl. “She would just have to do her best carving out her own identity in my giant shadow.” Shortly following this story Flag was fired from CVS by his brother-in-law for stealing cigarette lighters.


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