EVER US TWO STONE RING ENCOURAGES SCHIZOPHRENIA THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

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High end jeweler Forevermark has been flooding the air with commercials this holiday season advertising their “EVER US” double stoned ring. The two stoned ring who’s slogan—”One diamond for your best friend. One diamond for your true love” Is not only encouraging greed this holiday season—but also schizophrenia. The gist of Forevermark’s poorly executed guise is to convince women they’re two distinct people instead of one complete fully functional person. This is the oldest trick in the book, and unfortunately thousands of Americans will fall prey to this thinly veiled scheme by yet another corporate jeweler. It has been reported that Forevermark is in bed with large pharmaceutical corporations which specialize in schizophrenia medication. According to sources, once enough “EVER US” two stoned rings are sold—women across the nation will start to believe they are in fact two people—a best friend and true love. It’s not known what diabolical jewelry creation Forevermark plans to unleash on the American public next, but a diamond encrusted anxiety band is said to be in the works.

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